You know, I'm not a racist, but I shouldn't have to live next door to those football fans. Why is it that if I don't think they're normal, I'm considered some kind of hatemonger?
Sure, you tell me it's their business what they do on Sunday afternoons in the privacy of their own homes. But what about my property values, when they neglect their yard work and house upkeep? Why should I, who pay taxes and vote, be subjected to their gaudy banners and flags, spreading their propaganda in full view of God and everyone? "Bengals Parking Only"? Not in MY America!
If they would just do what they do in private and keep to their place, it would be one thing, I suppose. But they're all over our TVs these days! I can't go to the mall without seeing them in their "pride" clothing. There are entire stores devoted to them now! Why are they trying to force their lifestyle down my throat!?
I wish someone would sponsor a Constitutional amendment that forbade these football fans to marry. What kind of life would it be for children growing up in the homes of these sickos? What values will they be taught, that is, when the "parents" can drag themselves away from their gridiron perversions long enough to warp their little brains? Do we really want this country to be overrun by a generation raised by football fans, indoctrinated into their alternative lifestyle, schooled in their arcane statistics and rules from birth?
Let's face it. Jesus walked on water, not Astroturf. It's Adam and Eve, not Madden and Eve! I'm not advocating we round these people up and deport them or anything - like I said, I'm no bigot! I just don't think there's room in America for them to be so flamboyant and in-your-face with their agenda. Their moral fabric is just inferior - it's all games with them. That's not the work ethic this country was founded on!
In closing, this is the land of the free, and all men are created equal. But this is also one nation under GOD, not one nation under the Jumbotron. We owe it to our children to keep marriage between two people who aren't football fans. Our families, our future, and thousands of years of tradition are at stake. If we allow these football fans to make a mockery of our most sacred institution, what's next? People being married by Elvis impersonators in Las Vegas because they like rock and roll? Marriages staged by producers for reality-based TV shows designed to grab high ratings? Where does it end?
I hope you'll join me in praying for these football fans, that their souls may be salvaged and their Sundays returned to their God-given purpose. And I hope even more than you'll unite with me -- and the rest of mainstream America -- in denying them the freedom and the rights that we all hold so dear.
Yours in Christ,