Bruce (kor27) wrote,
Bruce
kor27

  • Mood:

Self-Pity

I've had 46 years now to deal with having a human body, with human needs - all of them - and no clear concept of human behavior.  Other people seem to come by it effortlessly, and I believe in most it's hardwired in the brain.  Not in me.

I really shouldn't complain.  I have certain abilities, especially in observation and comprehension, that are quite above human average, and they've stood me in good stead.  I've had a pretty damn easy life so far.

But it's taken me years to figure out how people interact, simply so I can hang around with them, and not feel lonely.  And the knowledge and models I've been able to build up are simply for light talk.  Anything more serious is still a complete mystery to me.

I'm sure I'll learn it, though some particular habits are frankly repugnant to me (What do you mean you can only be either a friend or a lover?  You aren't friends with your lovers?  You don't form friendships with people to find out if they'd make good lovers?  You have intimacies with your friends you'd be uncomfortable sharing with a lover?  What is wrong with you people?).  I just don't know how close to death I'll be at that point - and so how much good it might do me.

As I said, I've had a lot of things easier than many people.  I just happen to be feeling, well, lonely.

That is all.
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