Bruce (kor27) wrote,
Bruce
kor27

Bored

Bored, bored, stuff to do, involves concentration. Concentration in low supply. Diluted, as it were.

Dilution, dilution, essential bodily fluids. Are you a prevert? 'Cause I sure am. No proper outlet though - too shy, too, too, well, don't really know humans all that well.

Yes, I am human. But pieces missing. Have been working for years to understand people, try to model. Get an idea how people tick, learn how to deal, help with the fear. The fear, the fear, the fear of the violent humans. The always hurting, always killing humans. Learn how to not trigger the violence.

Got pretty good, too. But aging, aging so fast. These bodies just don't last long. Not long, not long, but focusing on mortality just makes it come faster. A watched death always boils.

Need to learn more. Hopefully before too late. Need love. Deserve love? Don't know. What is to deserve? Need to get laid. But picky, oh so, so picky. Sex without love is fun, but get attached so, so easily. Do I want to subject those I care about to the chaos that is me? But I love them.

Love them, fear them, fear them, love them, love them all.

Don't feel I deserve all that much. Always feel selfish doing anything for me. Trying to work on that. Psychic vampire, must have permission to cross threshold. Any threshold, any place, any mind.

Walk softly, leave no footprints.

Can't seem to ask for what I want. Geas, it feels. Frequently mistaken for submissive.

Why is helpful seen as submissive? Not the same at all. Don't want orders, just want to help those I love feel better. Easier if they say what they want, is all.

It would be easier if I said what I wanted. Stupid passive-aggressive bullshit.

Too busy to support myself. To supportive to busy myself. My priorities are fucked up.

My priorities aren't really a matter of choice. It's complicated.

Must not enable. Must not enable. Must not enable. Already destroyed too much. Bull in psychic china shop, smashing the dinnerware set of self-sufficiency.

I have value. I do love, and selflessly. More than just protecting from the fear, I love. But no-one really wants selfless love. Don't deny it. It looks good on the model at the fashion show, but no-one ever really takes it home and wears it.

Lust is so much more understandable, and comfortable, and reciprocatable. Silly, silly human brains, built up in sedimentary layers, each misinterpreting the one beneath it.

It's a wonder we think at all. Most don't. Rational people seen as dangerous, subversive, evil. Good thing I'm safe there. But I do know rationality. Can't define it, but I know it when I see it.

I feel like tacos.
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    I have another little batch of new songs, this time some requests, but also several that just seemed interesting. The track count is up to 24,153,…

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    I've added a significant chunk of new songs. Granted, quite a few are from "Kiss Me, Kate", but hey. Take a look. There are a few very old requests…

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