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Bruce
kor27
...:::.::. .::...:..
Moon Phase



October 2017
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Bruce [userpic]
Nuttin' Like Wakin' Up to Some Psychosis In Your Cup

I thought about putting this in a private email - or posting it privately - or doing whatever. But ya know? Fuck it.

As is the fear of the person I'm talking about, a fair number of people that know me will know who this is. Largely because the behavior is unique.

I slept in today, because, well, I stayed up far to late last night (And now I'm missing Smash-Up Derby, dammit). As I was coming to consciousness around 3:00pm, I noticed I had a phone call from a Certain Individual. I called back, to find that the person in question is incensed by the invasion of privacy occasioned by my last post.

If I understand properly, it's not my particular choice of phrasing, it's not my playing around with how I refer to the individual without naming them. It's daring to say that I took someone to the Baycon BBQ, they didn't feel well later, and I took them home - coupled with the fact that a very, very tiny number of people know who I'm talking about.

The person in question gets upset about this sort of thing all the time, which is why I go to such extraordinary lengths to say so little about them. And yet, it appears that anything is too much - now I'm supposed to not only go to those lengths, but also private the posts.

If it were any other individual, the logical assumption would be that they're either embarrassed by the fact that they're associated with me, or that they're gaming me, and hoping not to be discovered.

Those are always possibilities, but it really does seem to go a quite a bit deeper with this one. They honestly get hugely upset on a regular basis about people talking about them - even though they also regularly exhibit behavior that will guarantee that it happens.

Human beings are social animals. It's been noted multiple times that, in fact, we're really only interested in stories about other human beings. What mostly makes us happy is connections with other humans, most of what makes that connection is conversation, and nearly all of that conversation is about people, a fair amount of it other people.

There have been studies made that indicate how vitally important gossip is to maintaining cohesion in social networks.

Basically, if you don't want to be talked about, find a cave to live in, and grow your own food - because if you have any contact with people at that point, you're going to be known as that weirdo that lives in a cave.

If, to pick a random example, one were to go to a bar, get roaring drunk, dance like a maniac, do the wave across the floor, and systematically go through everyone in the bar bumming cigarettes, one has acted in a noteworthy manner, and people will take note. They will talk about it to their friends, who will talk about it to their friends, and so on.

And no-one's privacy has been invaded in the least.

If one acts one particular way with a certain subset of the population, and a completely different way with a different subset, it is to be expected that at some point there will be a connection between the subsets, and people will compare notes. Because that's what people do - it's a large part of what makes them people. Getting angry about it is not only ludicrous, but will mostly just guarantee that people will stop associating with you - you'll be considered either a nutcase or a bitch. Or both.

Not that I've seen that happen over and over and over and over and over again.

Whatever. If the individual continues to be interested in hanging out with me, that would be nice. I will, however, continue to blog about the people that touch my life. All the people that touch my life. In fact, it would be more noticeable if I didn't - if I go places, and list all of my friends but one, quite a bit will start circulating about how I keep on not mentioning a particular individual.

Anyway, gotta get up for the day - I have a party to go to with my comparatively sane friends.

Current Location: The Duplex
Mood: annoyedannoyed
Comments

I really wish you and I didn't have this in common....

Love you. See you soon.

I gave up making the "no comment" posts a while ago, since they seemed rather self defeating. Resurrection is sometimes necessary.

No comment.

Such is why most of my lj friends are far, far away.
Hang in there through the drama, hon. *hug*

Awww

Yeah, there's some logic to having a large separation between real-life and LJ contacts.

I just had to go ahead and mostly friend my friends, ya know?

And there won't be any drama. I've stated my position, and if she's willing to handle that, she can continue to deal with me. If not, then not.

Of course, last time anything like this happened, she decided that accusing me of pedophilia was a great way to demonstrate how upsetting it was that I talked about her (even though the stuff I said was actually true), and the great flame-war post of DOOM was the result.

Hugs back!

Re: Awww

lol....I totally forgot how silly that damned flame war got. Interesting read.

Re: Awww

Now there's an interesting concept for publication...

It's your journal, you should do what you want.

That said (and make no mistake, I do think that's the long and short of it insofar as your journal goes), I also get concerned about every detail of my semipublic life getting logged on the internet, though simple masking of my name/usual handle, as I believe you would do, does go a long way.

In some ways, I consider it analogous to the privacy expectations of a friendly conversation. You expect not to be judged harshly (or at least predictably) with the circle of friends you choose to share with. However, if one of them opens it up to a public--or at least different--forum, perhaps that doesn't feel quite as safe.

All of this is to say, you should absolutely do what you choose. At the same time, it's unrealistic to expect everyone to always be 100% OK with what you choose to do. For some, the extent to which you take that factor into account can be a sign of caring.

correcting above, you expect not to be judged harshly (or at least to be judged predictably)...

To be completely fair to her, her position is that "if you continue to do this, I can't associate with you," which is, in some ways, the logical extension of "do what you want in your journal."

The funny thing is that, in general, I do my best to be reasonably discreet. Granted, I didn't used to be about her - largely because my journal started as a place to vent all the crazy shit she did. And it was a lot of crazy shit back then.

But mostly, I just list the people I've had contact with, and what we've generally done. And even there, I try not to mention anything that would be found too embarrassing, might get one in trouble with the law, etc.

There's a certain amount of variability in the amount I say about different people, depending in large part on what their personal preferences seem to be. The frustration here is that on a scale of 1 to 10, I've already voluntarily turned the dial down to -2 for her, and she's still hugely upset about it.

Ya know, I have a rule. That rule is "Don't touch naked crazy person". You may want to borrow that rule hon. I know to whom you speaketh about, and while they have never been untowards to me, from all I hear them seem rather, neurotic, and self centered. So yeah, drop it like it's hot, uhm run, no serious, run quickly. Don't know what else to say. I know you will do what you will do, but don't let reason be overcome by instinct.